It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
