Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
