drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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