We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice