You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
