Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?