I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey