Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...

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  (646): My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play... http://tfl.nu/zidw
  Replies (17) Good night (1624) Bad night (4279)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out

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  (860): I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out http://tfl.nu/wth6
  Replies (4) Good night (948) Bad night (5522)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center

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  (509): She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center http://tfl.nu/9ea5
  Replies (14) Good night (5467) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.

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  (812): I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me. http://tfl.nu/jath
  Replies (6) Good night (3269) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

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  (914): He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck. http://tfl.nu/kvtv
  Replies (10) Good night (2654) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.

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  (561): I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition. http://tfl.nu/6rth
  Replies (19) Good night (2652) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.

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  (314): Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober. http://tfl.nu/dut2
  Replies (5) Good night (1621) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water

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  (801): He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water http://tfl.nu/etec
  Replies (6) Good night (888) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.

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  (973): Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical. http://tfl.nu/hbh3
  Replies (9) Good night (2157) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.

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  (773): Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame. http://tfl.nu/s2ml
  Replies (3) Good night (1089) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.

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  (440): no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er. http://tfl.nu/c5u6
  Replies (4) Good night (991) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (+42): View more from

  I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.

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  (+42): I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico. http://tfl.nu/klt7
  Replies (0) Good night (701) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months

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  (703): just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months http://tfl.nu/j2ye
  Replies (0) Good night (390) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.

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  (978): I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset. http://tfl.nu/hk8f
  Replies (2) Good night (590) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave

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  (305): She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave http://tfl.nu/26uf
  Replies (3) Good night (600) Bad night (231)

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