He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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