nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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