using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
