I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
