and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
