I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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