I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
