Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize