My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
