Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
