it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
