my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
