Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
how drunk are you?
Several
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
