You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
