No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
