I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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