"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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