her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
