This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
