Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
