I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
