my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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