Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
