I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
