So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
