I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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