i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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