wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
