She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
