Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
youre lurking in front of me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
