I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
