did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
