The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
