everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
