I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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