WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you inspire me to be a worse person
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
