I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize