do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
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not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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