He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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