you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
