these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
