I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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