Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
third nipple confirmed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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