Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
