Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
