i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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