It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
