I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
