So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
