It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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