he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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