Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
