i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm having to shit out rocks
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