Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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