In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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