I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
