I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They are going to name an STD after you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
