is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
