She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
