i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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