I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
