A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
