i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
