Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
