my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
