Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
