He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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