is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
