Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
